What is the main selling point of a dating site? There are countless answers for this question, but the huge pool of attractive singles to choose from is surely among the top. When you become a member of a dating site, you can contact hundreds of singles, even if they are from another country. However, the limitless possibilities often prompt a so-called “date craze”, in which people affected get in touch with everyone who catches their eye, sending out dozens of messages. As the replies start rolling in, this eventually leads to some unwanted situations though, and after a brief discussion they realize that the person might look good on the picture, but there is no chemistry between them. And this is where the difficulty of saying: “not interested” comes in.
The Reason for Backing Out
It can be said that there are three stages for the “not interested” moment:
- When the two of you are introduced to each other via the matchmaking engine.
- After you spent some time chatting, and the conversation comes to a point where you realize there aren’t any sparks.
- Following an actual date, when you realize you share no actual chemistry, or there were some fatal mistakes during the date).
One can argue that the latter is closer to breaking up than simply backing out from a relationship, as most people consider a date to be a true relationship opener. Therefore, we would like to provide a method for each scenario, to let you gently get your message through when needed.
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You Were Just Introduced to Each Other
Let’s assume that your partner’s dating profile made a good impression, or the two of you were matched by the dating site. After further examination, you find the person less appealing (drinking/smoking habits, different goals or views etc.). In this early stage it’s acceptable to simply back out by not replying and let the relationship turn cold. If you are not accommodated, people are more willing to let an unhatched relationship go, and look for other date partners with better potential.
You Were Just Talking
In case you already started chatting and know each other a bit, then becoming inactive and giving the cold shoulder is considered as a rude move, where you must send a message, explaining the situation. During this stage sneaking in some white lies about “not having enough time for a relationship”, or “having sudden family problems” may work, as well as paying less and less attention to the partner until the conversation simply withers. Still, have a spine and tell your partner directly that even though you enjoyed the conversation, you don’t feel this would work.
You’ve Been Dating
The worst is to put an end to a relationship after a date. Meeting in person is widely different from chatting, and most singles find it difficult to make a move or be as charming as they were in front of a computer screen. That’s why dates are the true line breakers. Withdrawing your attention is quite risky in this phase, as you partner most likely becomes disappointed, negative or even infuriated after you tell him/her about your decision. We recommend an upfront approach and cautious words. The best choice is to prepare in advance, and avoid improvisation at all cost. Don’t use platitudes, and most importantly, don’t come up with a petty lie or excuse, because they’ll surely see right through you.